


Tommy the Wizard Tard vs the Crystal Gems

by JustSagan



Series: Tommy the Wizard Tard [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Battle, Character Death, Child Death, Crystal Gems, Death, F/F, F/M, Fights, Magic, Murder, Pee, Sex, Stupidity, Wizards, poop, tård
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-05-31 03:44:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustSagan/pseuds/JustSagan
Summary: The Crystal Gems always thought themselves to be the strongest around. They never thought anyone could beat them. Well, that was before they met… Tommy the Wizard Tard!





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](https://imgur.com/P5d3seF)

Tommy the Wizard Tard was doing his favorite thing. Pretending to be a Wizard while finding new places to “save”. However, today was no ordinary day for him. Tommy somehow ended up in Beach City.

Tommy continued to do his Wizard things, until he made his way to Greg's car wash. Tommy approached Greg, who was sitting in his chair. Greg looked up and saw the big boy in a Wizard hat walking towards him.

“Oh hey! What can I do for you champ?” 

Tommy looked at Greg, then looked at the carwash, and then looked at Greg with a Tard smile.

“I want to use carwash!” 

Greg was confused at first, but quickly realized that Tommy was special after looking at him a little more.

“Well I can't let you use it, but I can show you how it works.” 

Tommy still seemed happy about this. Greg smiled and stood up. Unfortunately, he accidentally farted while getting out of his chair. 

“Oh, sorry!”

Tommy smelled that fart, and was visibly disgusted.

“You farted! That’s gross!” 

Tommy punched Greg in the face with Tard strength. Greg was knocked to the ground, and his nose started to bleed.

“Ow! Why would you do that!?” 

Tommy didn't respond, and instead picked up Greg's chair. Greg knew what was about to happen.

“No! Please dont!” 

Again, Tommy didn't listen, and started to beat Greg with the chair. Tommy didn't stop hitting him until the chair broke. At this point, Greg was in too much pain to try and run away. Unfortunately for Greg, Tommy wasn't finished yet. 

Tommy flipped Greg on his stomach, and pulled Greg's pants down until his butt was visible. Tommy then reached into his Wizard bag, and pulled out a stapler gun. Tommy proceeded to start stapling Greg's butt cheeks together. 

Greg cried out in pain, but no one was around to help him. So nothing could stop Tommy. As Tommy finished stapling, he noticed that Greg had peed himself.

“You make mess! Need to clean you!” 

Tommy used his Tard strength to lift Greg up over his shoulder. Tommy walked up to the carwash, and threw Greg inside. Tommy saw an on button, and pressed it. The doors closed, and the sounds of soapy water and other cleaning stuff could be heard.

Ofcourse, the sounds of Greg crying in pain could also be heard. Tommy was about to resume playing Wizards, but realised that he was dirty.

“My clothes dirty! Need new clothes!” 

And with that, Tommy went off to find clothes.


	2. Steven and Connie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy must get some new clothes. However, that might be harder than he might think. Not now, but down the line...

Tommy wandered around town, asking people where he could find new clothes. Well, he tried at least. The way he worded it was “clothes for Wizard!” 

Fortunately, he finally found a place that might have clothes for him. Tommy stared at the giant woman on the temple, and thought that it was a Wizard temple. The door was locked, but Tommy was easily able to break it down.

No one seemed to be home, so he walked right in. He looked around for a bit, and couldn't find any clothes. But, he did find a ladder, and he sure liked ladders. Tommy happily climbed the ladder, and discovered a bedroom at the top. More importantly, he saw a dresser. He happily ran up to the dresser, and got ready to take some clothes. But not before screaming in joy. 

“Clothes for Wizard!” Tommy yelled, quite loud.

“Who said that? Where are y- What happened to the front door!?” A voice from below yelled.

Tommy looked down, and saw a boy named Steven that was just as fat as him. Ok maybe not that fat. Steven noticed Tommy, and quickly climbed the ladder to confront him. Tommy stood their patiently, just to see if he was also a Wizard.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”

Tommy gave a very large Tard smile.

“I’m Wizard! Need Wizard clothes!”

Steven was quite confused, but still tried to talk to him.

“Well, i’m Steven, Steven Universe. I can't let you have any of my clothes. Sorry.”

Steven didn't realize it, but he just fucked up BADLY. Tommy went into full tard rage, pulled his pants down, and pulled his penis out. Steven stared in shock as Tommy started to rub his weird tard cock.

“Wizard battle!” Tommy yelled, as he started to slowly walk towards Steven.

Steven backed away, and tried pleading with him.

“I-It’s ok! You dont have to be mad! We can find you clothes somewhere el-AHH!”

Steven had accidentally went to far back, and fell off of the elevated bedroom. The back of his head slammed against the floor, instantly killing him. Tommy was quite happy that he won the Wizard Battle, and started to rummage through Stevens clothes.

Tommy took all of his clothes off, and got ready to change. However, just as he found a extra large pair that sorta fit him, his tummy started to rumble.

“Wizard need food!”

Tommy climbed down, still naked, and went towards the fridge. There was so much yummy looking food. He immediately started to feast on ALL of the food he could find. However, as he was feasting, a girl ran inside. Tommy never learned her name, but it was Connie. 

“Steven! Your dad was murdered! We found h-”

Connie saw Stevens dead body, and froze up. She started to cry, and fell to her knees. She didn't even notice Tommy, but Tommy noticed her.

“Chocolate lady!”

Tommy charged at Connie with full Tard speed. Connie saw the naked big boy, and tried to run. Unfortunately, Tommy caught her, and accidentally snapped her neck with his Tard strength. 

Tommy was quite happy with this, and feasted on Connie's flesh. Even if it tasted nothing like chocolate, Tommy still happily feasted. 


	3. Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy hates purple.

Tommy had left nothing but Connie's bones. He was now full, and ready to get dressed. However, as he looked at his own hands, he realised they were covered in blood.

“Wizard dirty! Need to shower!”

Tommy quickly ran to the bathroom, and started to shower. While he was showering, Amethyst walked out of her room to show Steven an old skull.

“Hey Steven! Check thi-”

Just like Connie, she froze up when she saw Stevens body. She saw the skeleton laying on the ground, and noticed Connie's ripped up clothes. After crying for a little bit, she realized that someone was in the shower. 

She readied her whip, and ran inside. She ripped the shower curtains off, and saw the wet blood covered big boy. Tommy looked at her, and instantly got pissed.

“Purple! I hate purple! No purple!”

Tommy Punched Amethyst so hard in the face, that it knocked her out of the bathroom. Amethyst immediately stood up, and tried to use her whip on him. Unfortunately for her, all it did was piss him off even more. She tried again, but Tommy managed to grab it.

“Purple lady mean! Need to punish!”

Tommy used his tard strength to violently pull Amethyst towards him. As she was flying towards him, Tommy pulled his emergency fork out of his butt, and stabbed Amethyst in her right eye.

“AHH!!!”

Amethyst fell to the ground, and held her eye in pain. Tommy was still pissed, and decided to administer brown justice. 

“Brown is better! Purple bad!”

Tommy stood over Amethyst, and started to poop on her. Amethyst was disgusted, and didn't even move. Amethyst was buried in brown, and the only thing visible was her purple gem. 

“No purple!”

Tommy ran into the bathroom, and grabbed his hammer out of his Wizard bag. Tommy went back to Amethyst, and started to hit her gem. His tard hits were dealing tremendous damage.

“W-Why!? WHY!?” Amethyst cried, knowing she was going to die.

Tommy didn't respond, and continued her attack. Tommy charged his last hit up, and delivered a mighty tard hit. The hit was so strong that it completely destroyed her gem. Amethyst poofed, leaving behind a broken gem, and a pile of poop. 

“No more purple!”

Tommy was about to head back to the shower, but quickly stopped when he heard a woman scream. He looked at the entrance, and saw Pearl.


	4. Pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention that Tommy is one of those people that doesn't pee in the shower?

Pearl was crying uncontrollably as she stared at Stevens dead body. She noticed Tommy, and immediately knew he was responsible. 

“Y-You! You filthy human! I-I-I’ll kill you!”

Pearl summoned her spear, and charged at Tommy. Tommy thought that she was another wizard, and knew what had to be done.

“Me best Wizard!”

Tommy picked up a hand full of his poop, and threw it right at Pearls face. Pearl was caught off guard by this, but didnt let it stop her. Tommy realized how powerful she was, and began to throw shit at lightning Tard speeds. 

Eventually, the amount of shit started to get to Pearl. She couldn't see where she was going, and slowed down. Tommy used this opportunity to tackle Pearl to the ground.

Tommy stood on her arms so she couldn't escape. He was so fat that not even Pearl had the strength to free herself. As she struggled, Tommy realized that brown was not a nice look on her. 

“Pee Pee Power go!”

Tommy pissed all over Pearls face. Tommy had been holding it all day, so he had A LOT of pee. The pee managed to clean all the poop off, but Pearl was still visibly distraught.

“Why are you doing this to me!?” Pearl yelled, while crying.

With her face clean, Tommy got on his knees and…

“WIZARD BATTLE!”

Tommy started to rub his cock all over Pearls face. Pearl tried even harder to escape, but Tommys knees kept her exactly where he wanted. After doing this for awhile, Tommy noticed the pearl on Pearls head. It looked so pretty to Tommy.

“Wizard win battle! Wizard get reward!”

Tommy grabbed her pearl, and started to pull on it. Pearl screamed in pain, but Tommy didn't let up. Eventually, Tommy used full Tard strength to rip it out, instantly poofing Pearl.

“Wizard get treasure!”

Tommy was quite happy with his new treasure. He was so excited, he showered with it. However, someone else walked into the temple, and they were not going to be as easy to deal with.


	5. Garnet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for one last fight!

Tommy enjoyed showering with the pearl. He made sure it was clean, and even Wizard Battled with it. When he was about to get dressed, he realised that his pearl might get scratched up in his wizard bag. 

“Don’t worry! Wizard know one place you be safe!”

Tommy shoved the Pearl up his butt, and made sure it would stay there. With the emergency fork gone, nothing would scratch the pearl. Tommy got dressed, got his stuff around, and walked out of the bathroom.

As he was putting his wizard hat on, he saw Garnet standing over Stevens body. Tears could be seen going down her face. (Or their face. Whatever you faggots prefer… Hankidot).  

“Don’t be sad! You can still Wizard battle with me!” 

Garnet looked at Tommy, and summoned her Gauntlets. She quickly ran up to him, and grabbed him by his head. She was about to crush it, but Tommy delivered a swift punch directly to her face.

Garnet was stunned by how much it hurt, and released her grasp on him. Tommy tried to hit her again, but Garnet grabbed his hand. She was so pissed that she threw him into a nearby wall. 

The force destroyed the wall, burying Tommy under all the rubble. Garnet decided to investigate, and make sure Tommy was dead. As she walked up to the rubble, Tommy bursted out holding a large piece of the wall.

“You can't beat Wizard!” 

Tommy smashed the piece over Garnet, braking her glasses. It hurt Garnet quite a bit, but did no real damage. Garnet backhanded him, causing him to land near Stevens body.

Tommy was on the ground, actually a little hurt. Garnet wanted to finish this, and ran at him. She was ready to deliver the killing blow.

However, Tommy saw Garnet coming, and picked up Stevens body to use as a meat shield. Garnet punched the dead body, causing blood, guts, and bones to go flying everywhere. She Wiped the blood off of her face, and smiled as she looked down.

Her smile quickly disappeared when she saw Tommy was still alive. She looked around the room, and realized what she had done. She looked at her blood covered gauntlets, completely forgetting about Tommy. 

Tommy used this opportunity to deliver a few well placed Tard punches to her face. Garnet felt them, but did nothing to retaliate. Instead, she unfused into Ruby and Sapphire. Both of them instantly turned towards each other when they got back up

“WHAT THE FUCK!? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO STEVENS BODY!?” Ruby yelled, quite pissed.

Sapphire was crying.

“I dont know! I was just so mad!”

Tommy looked at both of them, and realized that Saphire was pretty hot.

“Wizard want to put pee pee in blue lady!”

Tommy pulled his Wizard pee pee out, and ran towards Sapphire. Ruby saw what he was doing, and upper cutted him. Unfortunately for her, it didn't even hurt him. 

“I WANT TO PUT PEE PEE IN BLUE LADY!” 

Tommy picked Ruby up over his head, and threw her through a window. With her out of the way, he turned his attention back to Sapphire.

“Blue lady!”

Tommy tried to grab her, but she managed to run past him. She ran up to the broken window, and tried to escape. Unfortunately for her, Tommy was not about to let her get away. 

“BLUE LADY!”

Tommy ran up to her with tard speed, and grabbed her hair. As Sapphire was being pulled back, she grabbed a sharp piece of the broken glass. As a last ditch effort to escape, she stabbed Tommy in the leg.

She thought he would let go, but instead he let out a very loud Tard screech. It was so loud that it shattered all the windows in the temple, and cracked Sapphires gem. Sapphire looked at her gem in horror, realising it was all over.

“BLUE LADY MEAN!”

Tommy pulled the glass shard out of his leg, and turned Sapphire towards him. Sapphire tried to pull away, but Tommy repeatedly stabbed Sapphire in the stomach before she could. Sapphire poofed after a few more stabs, leaving Tommy with her gem.

Tommy picked her gem up, and rubbed his Wizard pee pee on it. Lapis and Peridot walked in, and quickly left after they saw what was going on. Lapis and Peridot burned their barn down, left town, got knew identities, fucked, and got in a three way marriage with some faggot named JustSagan the queer. Ha ha now whos laughing? Oh wait.

Ruby came stomping back into the Temple, and angrily stared at Tommy.

“You better stop that!”

Tommy looked at Ruby, and then looked back at Sapphire. He knew what he had to do. Tommy used his tard speed to put the gem between his butt cheeks, and started to roll around on the ground. This really pissed Ruby off.

“N-NO! STOP IT!”

Tommy kept on rolling around, until he heard a crack. He stood up, and pulled the gem out. The gem was broken in two… Sapphire was dead.

“N-N-N-NOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Ruby fell to the floor, and started punching the ground. Tommy realized that it was starting to get late, and he needed to get home for dinner. He tried to walk out of the Temple, but was grabbed by Ruby. 

Tommy went into a tard rage, and grabbed her by the neck. Without saying anything, he slammed her back first into the ground. He saw which hand had a gem, and shattered it with a combination of his foot, and tard rage. 

Tommy was surprised, he expected more of a fight. Nevertheless, Tommy happily left. He couldn't wait to show everyone at Tard HQ his new pearl.


	6. The End... For now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our young Wizard can now show off his new Pearl!

The next day, it was time for Tommy to show everyone his new pearl. Tommy proudly walked up to the front of the class, and pulled the pearl out of his but.

“Wizard found shiny thing!”

The other Tards were quite impressed. However, the pearl suddenly emitted a white light, and formed back into Pearl. She looked completely traumatized. 

Tommy looked at Pearl, and a big Tard smile formed on his face. 

“WIZARD BATTLE!!!”

Tommy pulled his pee pee wand out, and walked towards Pearl. Pearl tried to run out the door, but was stopped by the other Tards. They all had Tard smiles, and had their pee pee wands out.

“WIZARD BATTLE!!!” The Tards screamed, in Unison.

“G-Get away! GET AWAY!!!”

The Tards ignored Pearl, and completely surrounded her. There was no escape now.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it!


End file.
